am i bipolar?

today whilst at the doctors, trying to get something to curb my anxiety; he asked me if i was bipolar, since anti-anxiety medication doesn't go well with the bipolar. now, this was a very good question. no one had ever asked me this before. so when i would hear of a bipolar person, i would think "sucks for them". but once the question was directed to me, i started to think maybe, just maybe, i might have that disorder.

Bipolar disorder is a condition in which people go back and forth between periods of a very good or irritable mood and depression. The "mood swings" between mania and depression can be very quick.

ask my boyfriend if he thinks i am bipolar and he will say yes before he even blinks....and this is coming from a dude who takes at least five seconds to figure out which way is left. (but we still love each other).

personally, i don't think i am bipolar as much as i believe everyone else is a bunch of infuriating morons. i just try to be nice, and then people do something irritating, and therefore i take away my good attitude as punishment to them.

my mom has referred to me as a sour patch kid. supposedly i am evil, and then i do something extremely nice. i guess it makes it hard for people to dislike me for any long period of time.

 

one thing is certain, i am definitely not a morning person....or work person. the monotony of seeing the same people day in and day out starts to work on my nerves. so when i come to work, sometimes i do not want to be talked to. if you are around someone too long, they eventually always say the same irritating stuff every time you see them. so if i am having a bad start to my day, i end up dreading having to see coworkers.so, i don't necessary have fast mood changes, it's just one day i am happy to see certain people, and other days i am not.

sometimes, i decide i hate someone for the day, then i talk myself out of it and decide to be nice. that may be misconstrued as bipolar.

i don't know, i guess until i kill someone i will live not knowing the truth about my psyche. it doesn't matter anyways, the pharmacy just called and my lovely insurance doesn't cover the anti-depressants....

i am uninspired.

welp, i tried to think of a blog topic for tonight. i tried so hard that veins actually bulged out of my forehead. but to no avail. although....i am pretty impressed by one of my old drawings i found. it reminds me of an old woman whom got clawed by some type of villainous, long nailed creature. not robert pattinson

but like a heterosexual, sexy beast....kind of like jake ryan from sixteen candles if he had werewolf tendencies.

i may masturbate to that image later... but for now i am getting off subject.
oh yeah, i was speaking of my writers block.
i once mentioned that i had an epiphany that lead me to believe i should research each blog. that's not gonna happen. research is for fags! just kidding. back when i was a bully i thought it was funny to call people fags, but it's not.

if i had my way i would be a gay man. i honestly feel that i am a gay man trapped in a giant boobed straight woman's body. woe is me. if i were a man i would inherit the physique of my brother and dad, not the physique of a fertility goddess. does the circus still have freak shows? i can be employed as the giant breasted  freak. is it odd that i have never been pregnant yet my mammaries are the size of a fiat? did your god just desire that i be a hunch backed freak? i assume so.

i've been robbed!

some felonious bastards broke into my house yesterday and stole ALL my jewelry, my bass guitar, my boyfriends bass, and my digital camera (why i have no pictures to post) and a picture printer. luckily my boyfriend cam home in time so that they didn't get any televisions or laptops. i assume the creeps were watching us and had learned our routine because ever sunday i go to my parents house for most of the day.

we left at about 9:10 in the morning, and my boyfriend came home just in time to see the robbers leave (it seems they recognized him and left). here's the thing. he didn't realize they were coming from our house right away because they used the abandoned house behind us to hide what they were doing. this is the second time our house has been robbed due to the convenience the abandoned house provides the thieves.

i have two small chihuahuas that are under the impression that people fear them. thank god they were not home when the house was invaded, that would be the worst. i could only imagine what the bottom-feeders that broke in would be capable of doing to yipping lap dogs. so i am very thankful for the absence of my "children" during the robbery. my cats were home, i cannot remember if they were inside the house at the time, but they are scaredy cats and therefore smart enough to hide when a stranger enters the house when we are not home.

i honestly wish they would have stolen the tv and other electronics INSTEAD of my jewelry. i do not buy jewelry for myself, so everything that was stolen was a gift to me from people i love. today i have to go to local pawn shops on my lunch and see if i recognize any of my stolen property. and if i do recognize anything, i have to pay out of pocket to regain it. one of my bracelets that was stolen. when i had no money to my name, i would entertain the idea of pawning it. but i didn't because it was a gift from someone i loved and it didn't seem right. now it is gone, most likely for good. same with the rings my parents gave me and my ex's mom had given me some nice jewelry.

but i just have to get over it right? hindsight in 20/20, and all i can do is replay everything in my head over and over again. i woke up numerous times last night hoping it was all a nightmare. but it wasn't. my bedroom window is still boarded up to cover the hole. keepsakes were taken. and my hands are tied.

there are sooo many  unsympathetic lowlifes in the world. it's frustrating. many people are against abortion. why? if someone does not want a child, please do not make them have one. it punishes society more than the parents. many people think if they are financially stable, they should procreate. no! the only people who should have children are the ones who will put in the time it takes to create a well rounded, considerate person. the only people who seem to be breeding are arrogant fucks who are just doing it because the believe it is their right and that they are supposed to. laws are making it so that the survival of the fittest doesn't work. they make stupid people wear seatbelts, they wont let depressed people commit suicide, old sick people aren't allowed to die when they want. it sucks, this world is over populated and it's filled mostly with idiots and depraved fuck ups.

i had a very dark view of society before my possessions were stolen, now it's worse. but i hope i will eventually get over it, i will not lose my holiday spirit. i will still be paranoid to leave my house, but hopefully things will get better because this year wasn't good, neither was last year. let's cheers to next year!