i'm not always angry

i am a misanthrope, but there are a few humans that make me terribly happy. that sad thing is, they are all people that most of the human race has contempt for: woody allen, r kelly and howard stern.

 i understand why many find woody allen despicable. he was married to mia farrow, adopted a bunch of children with her, and then fell in love with their adopted daughter.

i  haven't read mia farrows book, but i heard that she describes the the way woody allen acted around soon yi; and it's pretty fucking creepy.

i wish i didn't support the career of an alleged pedophile, but i do. some of my favorite movies are woody allen flicks: a midsummer night's sex comedy, hannah and her sisters, another woman, crimes and misdemeanors, mighty aphrodite, everyone says i love you, deconstructing harry, small time crooks, hollywood ending, anything else, match point, scoop, vicki christina barcelona, you will meet a tall dark stranger, midnight in paris,and my absolute favorite movie of all time, whatever works.

boris yellnikoff is the main character in the movie. he is so hilarious. it's great, even riding a bicycle gets him on a tirade against society.

most of woody allen movies speak to me, and i appreciate that his films are the few movies made these days that have impressive dialogue. some probably think it's pretentious to have a lot of big or uncommon words in a movie, but if you love words as much as i do, you don't see it as pretension, you just appreciate how wonderful it is. i think a lot of explosions in a movie is pretentious. so there.

so, r kelly urinated on a fifteen year old. girl. i know that is bad. but i have also known some very sexually mature fifteen year olds. i guess men like to give golden showers because they get off on humiliating women, which i think is lame. r kelly was pretty stupid for recording it. i don't approve of his behavior, but he has a lot of funny songs and his double up album was probably one of the most incredibly funny albums i have ever heard in my life.

leave your name is such a hilarious song. he basically tells a story about a crazy night out, and it's pretty great, but the chorus is his voice mail message:

[Chorus 1]
Leave your name right after the beep and I'm
Sure to get back with you
If I'm not asleep or
Smoking on some trees or
Having a little sex or
If I'm not faded or
Making a baby

 

it's basically the best outgoing message ever.

he has two more songs that are just ridiculously wonderful, sex planet and the zoo.

 

 

 

and he also has a great song called real talk. it's pretty funny, he is yelling at his girlfriend the whole song.

the third, probably most hated man that makes my life worth living is the great howard stern.

i honestly do not get why people hate howard stern so much. oh wait, yeah i do. america hates honesty. they prefer creepy dudes that do despicable things in secret, and then boast about morals. someone like howad, who just says what he thinks coz it's funny is the true evil.

he supports and appreciates our troops and cares about animals. he has never been involved in any kind of scandal, yet people hate him. i think common sense scares americans.

 

i really don't care if he is hated, i think it's stupid, but as long as i get to hear howard three times a week, i am happy girl :)

fill me up with babies! we'll worry about the details later.

disturbing picture isn't it? what a crazy women. i realize that not everyone who goes through IVF (in vitro fertilization) (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/infertility/ivf.html) is as insane as the "octomom"  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nadya_Suleman).

but i still think that forcing your body to have a baby in an unnatural way is kind of crazy.

ivf is very invasive....trust me, i have seen plenty of reality shows about women going through it. my theory is: if you cannot get pregnant naturally, your body is telling you that you don't need any damn babies and you should just enjoy your carefree "no baby" life.

i would just be nervous that something would be wrong with my baby when i had it if i wasn't meant to be pregnant in the first place. i'm definitely a paranoid, so i believe if i ever got pregnant naturally, something would go wrong and i might give birth to a mongoloid or something. 

i just cannot wait until the old mindset that america has about having to give birth to babies goes away. there are too many stupid people in the world, how about we start adopting babies that need homes and quit using medicine to force ourselves to have babies. 

and now we have retards like mitt romney (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mitt_Romney#Political_positions_and_public_perceptions) who are trying to abolish abortion all together. and many american states are changing laws so that doctors are required by law to guilt women by forcing them to watch an ultra sound of the fetus before they can get an abortion. so that means more babies are going to need adoptive parents. 

religious people are so egotistical. THEY have to bring another life into this world. they want another THEM. THEY have a right to create life. but guess what, if you have to go through ivf just to have your "god given right" to have a little "you" created, god took that right and science, that thing you are so against, is what gave it back. 

ever heard of darwin? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Darwin) survival of the fittest people. i wish the barren would not have children, and the weak would kill themselves, and the old would die, and the druggies would overdose, and the ugly wouldn't reproduce, and the stupid would die in some ridiculous accident. wouldn't the world be a better place?

hard to believe i am an advocate for stem cell research huh? but i am. i really do love science and all it's possibilities, i just wish it wasn't used to bring extra people into this world. there's enough. most are all hateful, greedy, selfish, gross jerks.

show me a picture of a cute baby and in twenty years i could probably show you a picture of the resentful loser they have become. they'll probably still be good looking though...you would think.

what will they say about me when i die?

people say the nicest things after you die. i'm pretty sure it's all bullshit. there has been a few people which i have know, that passed away and during their life, they weren't the outrageously nice person that everyone is testifying to.

when i was in high school, i was at a high school football game and an acquaintance was singing the national anthem. it wasn't the best rendition, but i think it takes balls to go out in front of your high school and sing. well, there was a chick behind me trying to be cute to the two boys she was there with. so she was talking crap about the young lady who was singing. i merely turned and looked at her so she knew i was annoyed by her. and guess what she did; instead of trying talking shit to me like a respectable person, she put gum on the bleacher and i sat on it.

i assume you think it is funny that the chick made me sit on gum. maybe it was, but i didn't appreciate it. that happened back in my neanderthal days and that's probably why she did the sneaky thing instead of calling me out; coz i woulda beat her up good. but guess what ended up happening; she died a short while after the gum incident. story was that she was racing some friends on the way home from a club and i guess lost control. 

it was a terrible tragedy. i didn't want the girl to die and i wasn't happy that she was dead. but everyone talked as if she was the sweetest person that ever lived; like she died on the way home from feeding the homeless or working with the lepers. i mean, i am sure i was not the only person in the school who had a bad interaction with her. or was i?

 

when i die, will i be held up with the same regard as say, mother teresa?

that'd be cool. everyone will forget when i stole their boyfriend, or when i cast aspersions against them. 

recently this chick died that frequented a local dive bar i used to go to a lot. i am not sure how she died but everyone is talking about how nice she  is and what a great person, blah, blah, blah. and of course she didn't like me. once she caught her boyfriend talking about my boobs.

he didn't actually grab them, he just gestured towards them and was talking about them. when his wife came up and asked him what he was doing i just walked away. now, please keep in mind, i have freak show sized breasts, so they are usually, at some point, the topic of discussion. 

another time, the girl started shit with me, but i couldn't do anything because my cousin asked me not to since he was having babies with her sister in law. so he didn't want us to fight.

so on facebook they are making this dead women seem like an angel; "the nicest person they have ever met". is it just me? i bring out the pettiness of all the nicest people in the world? maybe so. 

but if there are so many nice people in the world, why is the world so fucked up? is it because the nicest people always die before they can do good? i think not. 

when i die i hope that people talk all the shit they were saying when i was still alive! i don't think it is wrong to talk bad about the dead, if they wanted to be remembered as a good person, god dammit, they should have been a good person in their life.

i can't wait until bruno mars gets laid, maybe then he'll shut up

i guess bruno mars has a nice voice. decent. a little too fem for my sensibilities. but gosh, his songs are terrible. just a whiny dude who can't get the girls he wants; so instead of settling for someone in his bracket, he cries about the good looking chicks who don't want him. 

i understand the demographic he is going for; young girls. when girls are young, most want a sexy dude to be so in love with her, and if he chose her, she would love him back like he deserved to be loved.

but once you grow up ladies, you realize that you never, ever, ever want the dudes who are totally in love with you. you want the good looking dude who has tons of options but decides he'll still fuck you as long as you don't try and make it a "dinner thang".

lil wayne ^^ may be the ugliest creature in existence.

but he had a song out the same time as bruno mars' grenade song. i have no idea what the title of lil wayne's song is, but he had an awesome line in it:

"never met the girl, but i fucked her like i missed her"

hello!! now that's the kinda guy i want to get with. a stranger who will fuck me like he misses me, not some crooner who will catch a grenade for me. go ahead and catch that grenade bruno, i don't give a damn either way. 

taylor swift is a beautiful, very talented young lady. but whenever i hear her song "you belong with me", my cynicism skyrockets. 

so. taylor swift loves this dudes sense of humor and music, and his girlfriend doesn't. she brings him down so the whole town doesn't get to see his amazing smile; but i bet he's smiling when she is blowing him while her parents are just a room away.

of course he wants the short skirt, high heel wearing prom queen, as opposed to a prudish tshirt and jeans kind of girl. he knows that his best friend is a great girl who he could settle down with, but he's in high school. he wants to be fucking the slutty cheer captain that every other boy masturbates about every night. who cares if she's a bitch.

and the nerdy chick probably has some awesome nerd dude in love with her, and she's busy trying to be there for her neighbor who will never give  her a chance.

ah, the circle of life. sucks doesn't it?

am i the only that thinks breast implants are insane?

boobs are very nice. i think all sized have their own appeal. i for instance have freak show sized boobs. i don't know the exact size of them; i am too depressed about them to find out.

my breasts have made me popular, especially when i was in jr high and high school. in junior high, boys that i didn't even know would grab my chest, so did the ones that i did know. i never told on them because i was ashamed and didn't want to make a big deal about it. also, i did not want my dad to find out that i was being harassed because of my boobs.

in 8th grade phys ed, i couldn't do jumping jacks without being a spectacle to all the boys. they didn't hide the fact that they were all watching me do jumping jacks, and my obese lesbian p.e. teacher did  nothing to help the situation even though what was going on was obvious.

every time i visited my family, all my aunts would talk about how big my tits were. if i would date someone, everyone would say it was only because i had huge knockers. 

i really hated being so "bountiful" at such a young age. now that i am older, i have grown to appreciate my assets more, but sometimes i still get depressed and think i should join a freak show. but still, i would never want to get breast cancer and lose my boobs, i just always wished they were smaller.

so of course, i have a biased opinion on breast implants. i don't see how anyone could possible want enormous breasts, let alone pay to have them and risk complications.

breast enhancement surgery is improving every day. it seems like many great minds of medicine are focusing on how to improve breast implants instead of trying to cure cancer or herpes.

so to get a boob job these days, the risk doesn't seem that great. young girls, grow up and see more sophisticated looking fake breasts. i grew up in the decade of the "bolted on" boob jobs.

i am afraid of surgery of any kind. i am neurotic so i assume what ever can go wrong, will go wrong. my nose is crooked. i would love to have rhinoplasty to fix it, even make it a little smaller, but i think it's better not to tempt fate. so i shall keep my big crooked nose.

am i the only one who thinks it's insane to have foreign objects implanted into your body for aesthetics? 

 

to me it's mind boggling, but i also think that fake fingernails are also insane. actually gluing things to your fingertips to make them look prettier? seems weird.

mmm, are you gonna finish that chewed up worm?

so i just finished reading down came the rain, by brooke shields. it is about her battle with postpartum depression. i hoped it was going to be a tell all about how she thought of drowning her baby, or throwing it out the window. there was nothing like that, to my disappointment. but there were still two very disturbing things she wrote about. one was that she gave her child a hickey, and the next was that she chewed up food to feed to her kid.

i can understand kissing your baby so much coz you just adore them and want to eat em up. but a hickey? i guess the skin of a baby is thin, so it would be easy, but i don't know, sounds weird to me. to my normal person brain. i absolutely adore my sir abner

sir abner and i as the holy virgin and baby jesus

i love sir abner so much, maybe it is because he is the fruit of my loins. sometimes i look at him and cannot believe how cute he is and how much i love him, i just want to rip his face off, throw it at the wall and let it slid down slowly. so maybe giving your kid a hickey is less traumatic then what i want to do to the ones i love.

now, i have never chewed up food and gave it to my child

humans have the most disgusting mouths in the world, and tons of saliva. ewww, i think it is so wrong for a human to chew up food and give it to another human or any animal. if my mom ever did that to me she better not tell me coz i'll slap that bitch silly. 

i see a lot of disgusting people give animals stuff out of their disgusting, gaping mouths. the animal doesn't seem to care but it still isn't right if you ask me. 

but no one has asked me have they?

oh well. moving on, i made a new comic about marriage. no one really likes it so far but i will post it on here anyways.

do you remember the show saved by the bell? 

i used to watch it when i was in jr high. i loved the damn show. but even when i was younger, i would roll my eyes at the ridiculousness of the characters saying they were in love all the time. they would date someone for two shows and next thing you know, they were in love. it had to have affected many susceptible youth in a terrible way. thinking that right away you fall in love. not a good thing to teach young children. 

also, george takei posted this picture on his facebook today:

and it is so true. many things in entertainment that people think are "safe" for their children really just teach them the wrong things. i mean, let your kid watch what all the other kids are watching but talk to them about it. 

god, i used to hate watching tv or movies with my mom, she explained everything to me. but looking back i am glad she did because i didn't make a lot of the same mistakes my peers were making. 

i waited until i was an adult to fuck up :)

cavemen are only good for one night stands.

there are still a lot of men in this country with caveman mentality. i think it's stupid, but there are many women who like that kind of guy. 

here's what i mean by caveman mentality:

woman has to take man's last name in marriage

if woman gets pregnant, he decides if she keeps it or not

when partying, the man gets wasted, and the woman is the designated driver

the woman cooks, cleans and doesn't talk back

the woman must use birth control or have his babies coz he hates condoms

when at a social gathering, the woman serves her man

and to all those things, i say bah humbug.

i plan to never get married, but you know what they say; never say never. so, if i ever do get married i refuse to take a man's last name. that just seems like a total declaration of ownership. i have a last name, i like it very much thank you. i don't need you to brand me like that. i am actually surprised that the men in this country never took to branding their women. 

i think it's funny, rather, presumptuous that there are men who think they should have a say in a women's reproductive choices. i don't have to argue it do i? to me it's quite obvious that the man should just butt out when a women has to make a decision like that. i have known plenty of women who were guaranteed by their babies daddy that he would be there for her, emotionally AND financially. usually two months after the baby is born, he decides to move on to greener pastures and the women is left with the burden and the stretch marks. i must say, the praying mantis has the right idea, fuck em, get their sperm to have a baby, and then eat their heads so you don't have to deal with them ever again.

i like to party. i have always enjoyed partying. so when i party with my boyfriend, i am gonna get wasted and he better drive or pay for the cab. most of the time, when i see couples party, the guy gets to have all the fun and the women has to stay sober so she can drive his drunk ass home. now, maybe i am mistaken and women in general just aren't as into getting wasted as men are....but i sure do see a lot of single chicks partying it up all the time.

i am just happy when a man lifts a finger around the house; whether it's in the yard or in the kitchen. just as long as something gets done. i do not mind doing yard work, i actually prefer it to dishes or laundry. many men, don't want to help with the domestic duties because that's a women's job, and they don't do shit in the yard. my theory is, if they do neither of those things, they probably suck in bed too.

really though, people will do what they can get away with. so can i really blame men? i have a friend who was seeing this dude. she told him they should use condoms and he told her that if she wants to use condoms with him, she would have to purchase them! how did she respond? she kept fucking him without condoms. personally i would've stopped the relationship right there. they are actually engaged to be married now, lol. 

i don't know if it is a "mexican thing" but at family gatherings i go to, all the women serve their men.so basically, while all the men are bullshitting, they are served food. i think that's crazy, a grown man is more than capable of getting his own food. 

maybe i am just a bitter old hag.

let's see. i hate current popular music, i resent beautiful women, i hate men, and i hate society.

yup.

i am officially a bitter old hag.

at least i still love sex. and when it comes to sex i don't really discriminate against the cavemen that are still roaming this earth; as long as they are not so old school that they do not care about pleasuring the women, that shit don't fly with me. i need good, good loving. i put in a lot of effort during sex and i expect my partner to also. 

maybe deep down i am a lesbian and i will only be happy if i am in a relationship with a women. amber heard; will you marry me?