I'm balding and have West Nile Virus. How's your day going?

Saturday morning I woke up with a terrible hangover. I could barely move, I was barfing, and I wanted to die. I went outside, laid on the concrete and wished for deaths sweet embrace. But death didn't come and greet me like I prayed for, instead, my parents showed up ready to do some serious yard work in the 100 degree weather.

While I reluctantly feigned yard work, I decided that I was in no condition whatsoever to go to the wedding I had been invited to, which, if I were going, I had to be ready for in an hour. So I sent a text to one of the bridesmaids and informed her, that, although I adore watching two people in love involve the government into their relationship, I would have to skip this one because my hangover was not going to be leaving anytime soon. Well, she told the bride about me staying home, and then I felt bad so I decided I should go. The last time I missed a party because I was hungover, the person died a few days later and I felt pretty bad that I missed their celebration due to my debauchery.

So I threw on my gray shawl, and headed to the wedding...

It was actually quite beautiful. The ceremony was held in the mountains in a forest setting, despite me being so sick, and not the social butterfly I usually am at these sort of things, I really enjoyed the setting. 

I got to see Blue Jays, and an Eagle swoop up above. I had wished I brought my camera or at least gotten stoned so I could really appreciate the scenery, but all in all I was thankful that I got my debilitated ass up and celebrated love.

And then a mosquito bit me three times.

Now, I am not sure if you are aware, but as of now, West Nile Virus  is again breaking out all over North America in record numbers. Since Monday, I have had a minor headache and have been itchy...two symptoms, but starting tomorrow I am going to not have anymore pills in my system so I'll be able to pinpoint where my symptoms are stemming from.

Now to my baldness...

I had a dream last night that I was going bald, it made me scared. I woke up this morning thinking that I had West Nile Virus and that I was going bald, I hate mornings like that and I just wanted to get it off of my chest. 

Uh, Prince Harry...I can see your Prince Albert...

Okay, Okay, obviously in these pictures you cannot see if Prince Harry has a Prince Albert piercing or not, but I thought it was funny to insinuate that he had one. I also thought since he was nude, a pun using his name "Harry" would have been good as well...but I can't spot any hair down there either.

I do not pay much attention to the Royal Family, and although some of Harry's famous antics are semi-racist, he seems like an awesome dude. Because really, growing up in his family, where everyone tries to portray a proper image to the world, good 'ol Harry seems to say "Fuck all That!".

I have had some crazy, alcohol/drug induced romps in my life, and there has been camera's in the vicinity a few times. As far as I am aware, there is no footage of me being scandalous in the world, but really, how aware can one be if they are totally wasted? The footage of myself that I knew of has supposedly been destroyed, but what about the times someone had a camera on me that I didn't know about, and what if the stuff I thought was destroyed really wasn't? Or they had duplicates? I guess my only saving grace is that when said behavior could have been recorded, i was skinny. Now that I am fat, my behavior has calmed down dramatically. But still, my biggest fear is finding some picture of me naked, surrounded by a bunch of dudes or something. 

Due to my fear, I periodically type my name in Google Images, squint my eyes and hold my breath while I press the search button and wait to see what pops up. So far so good, but let me just take a moment to knock on wood...

Luckily for me, no one would care if I were nude, but many young people these days are into sexting and what not. And this worries me, because how do they know if their future career could be ruined by such a photo or video? Many people request nude pics from me, as I am sure they probably do to you also. When they ask, I simply reply that it may ruin my future run for presidency. They usually get mad, but more times than not, they will send me a picture of their penis anyways...

 

 

If you have a vagina, you need to vote. If you love vagina, you need to vote.

Personally, I hate politics. I am disheartened by it all, but, I still vote. Many people think that voting doesn't do anything, and, while that may be true for electing a President, It does help to vote for propositions and such. 

I live in California, a place that some may consider a very liberal State. I thought it was liberal until we had to vote on Proposition 8, which was nicknamed Prop H8TE since, if it passed, same sex marriage would not be legal....and guess what, it passed!  

Actually, I wasn't too surprised that it passed because a few days before the polls, I was protesting Prop 8 and people were driving by calling us "perverts" and yelling other hate towards us. Now, I don't mind be called a pervert, never have, but I couldn't believe that there was so much hate in the world. Why do they care so much?

And the point of this blog is just that. There are so many haters in this world, and guess what? They absolutely love to vote and they get giddy over taking peoples rights away. Misery loves company and if a man is too afraid to come out of the closet, he will be certain to vote for taking rights away from brave homosexuals who are living their life the way they want. If a woman let a man force her into having the baby he impregnated her with, she will vote to make sure every other women has to give up their dreams and have babies they do not want, or do not care for. 

"If I am miserable, you should be too!" - That's what needs to be printed on the dollar bill instead of "In God We Trust". God is just the ruse they use to try and make everyone as unhappy as them.

Now, before I get into god and all that malarky, one point I want to make is about the "haters" voting.

Take the Chick-fil-a hoopla that happened this year. People waited in lines for a stupid chicken sandwich, just to support hate. That gives you an idea of what happens when something that has to do with civil rights is on the ballot. Voting is free, when it's time to vote on the issues, the haters will be out in droves. 

The people indifferent to gay rights and voting, will not help the cause, because it doesn't involve them and they don't vote anyways. But we need the indifferent people to get out there and vote for equal rights, just to protect rights in general. Please vote, because one day you may have your rights taken from you....the politicians really are on a mission to take away any rights that aren't involved in a fantasy Christian, bible thumping world.

 

Now women's reproductive rights are on the political agenda. These old fuckers, who complain about welfare and crime, insist on forcing women to have their unwanted babies....babies that usually grow up to be criminals raised on welfare. It's so infuriating. And they also want rape victims to be forced to have the children of their rapist?! Imagine, being a woman and having to look at your child everyday, your child who looks just like the asshole who violated you. They want the women to suffer for the rest of their lives! Raising a kid is a longer sentence than a convicted rapist will get.

I've heard the argument: "rape shouldn't be cured with murder of innocents".

 

Uhm, okay. So we'll let the rapist spread his seed to innocent women....imagine the hard-on that will give the fucking creep..it will probably entice more slime balls to rape.

And also, if an embryo is a living, innocent creature that we should all respect and nurture....why would anyone force the person who wanted the baby dead, to have it against her will? What life will that make for the child?

I really hate having to reiterate my stance on abortion all the time, and I am sure if there is someone who has read a large amount of my blogs, they are tired of it also. Abortion isn't my favorite topic but it boggles my mind that people would like to take that right away. 

They don't want women to have abortions, they don't want us to use birth control; they just want us to be barefoot and pregnant so that we can stay home and men can be "in control" again....we gotta stop reverting back to the dark ages.

Argh! I am so frustrated! I better just stop now, but people, please vote for women's rights! Especially if you are a women, we need to have control over our own bodies!

And if you think rape victims shouldn't be allowed abortions, I pray to your Lord that someone rapes you in the ass and nine months later you shit out a demon baby that you are forced to raise. Amen.

Melanie Griffith is my role model.

I actually do not know much about Melanie Griffith, but this morning, as I sat with shallow breath, (because the pills I took this morning made it hurt to breath) I overheard the news mention that Miss Griffith is talking about her 25 year addiction to pain pills that she overcame three years ago. Now, I refer to this awesome lady as my role model because I would love, to be able to take a bunch of pills for 25 whole years and not overdose or anything! I try to abuse pills in careful stints, to try and avoid causing too much damage to myself, but my breathing this morning let's me know it is all in vain. I have fucked myself up with drugs and alcohol. C'est la vie!

Now, a pill popper who I do not admire is poor Tom Arnold. He was on the Howard Stern show last week and graciously admitted to the audience that due to his Oxycontin addiction, his colon exploded. Scary! But it is good that there are honest people out there who will let us know what is actually in store for us as drug abusers. I had no idea your bladder could explode from too many pills. I figured you would just overdose and die, and that was all. But as the angel Tom Arnold reminded me - there are things much worse than death. 

And we all need to be reminded of that sometimes. One of my favorite quotes is:

"Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse."

Welp, I still love that quote but I am far beyond leaving a good looking corpse. Hopefully the cremate me or donate my body to science. 

 

 

I wish I could be an awesome person like Hunter S. Thompson, and do whatever I want without a care, but I worry about leaving my family to grieve.....not that it means I am responsible and healthy....I'm not a fanatic!

Drugs and alcohol are fun, I like them too much to give them up. When people get sober, and say they feel so much better, I don't get it.

I know that one can function properly and happily without drugs or alcohol....but why? Why would you do that to yourself? When I have gone sober for a long time, it's fine, but oh so boring. What do you have to look forward to? I am reminded of another quote:

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”
― Frank Sinatra

 

 

Magic Mike: testes, testes, 1, 2, 3...

Have you seen Magic Mike? I plan to see it one day, a day when I am not totally broke....i'll probably just have to rent it one day.

I am not a huge fan of male strippers, I have always assumed that male strippers are gay, simply because they look so good and move so well. So when Thunder from Down Under is in the area, a lot of women get excited and plan to go, but I simply don't care.

Not that I have anything against it, I just don't really see the point of someone gyrating in front of me and I don't even get to bone them afterwards. I gotta go home and do some straight dude with no rhythm nor washboard abs. I guess if I just close my eyes, it wouldn't be so bad...

What pleases me about Magic Mike is that it gives women something to look forward to finally. Men are rarely used in movies merely for their looks, Hollywood values men that are good actors. I guess with enough swag, a good actor becomes super attractive, like, say a Leonardo Dicaprio, now that his looks have faded, people still want to bone him because he is so good at what he does.....and he's super rich.

Same with Steve Buschemi.

I love how on Facebook, it's not only men liking Suicide Girl's photos or the many other random women who pose seductively, but now women are talking about sexy dudes. I think it is good, let's remind these straight dudes that looks are important! Men should know that although we are with their ugly, unkempt asses, we would surely leave them for

Channing Tatum

(even though he looks kind of dumb)

Mathew McConaughey

Joe Manganiello

Alex Pettyfer

Matt Bomer

I wonder, if most dudes looked like the cast of Magic Mike, would we be so bored with extremely gorgeous dudes, that we would start wanting our old mishapen scrubby dudes again? 

nope.

The animals need our help.

I have a bleeding heart when it comes to animals. I love them all, and hate that humans treat them like disposable objects. 

I have three dogs and two cats. If I could I would, adopt every unwanted animal I came across, but of course that is not possible. What I should do is get off my lazy ass and try to fund some sort of foundation at the very least; provide free vaccinations and spaying/neutering program in my community. Right now I am stuck in a low brow, small town ghetto that makes it heart wrenching to go outside due to all of the stray animals and stupid druggies walking dogs without leashes. 

It's depressing and infuriating. In my neighborhood, most of the people let their dogs roam free once a day to use the restroom on other people's lawns (particularly mine). So in the morning there are numerous neighborhood dogs milling around. 

 

Aren't these people worried that their dogs could get ran over? Of course not. To them, dogs are disposable. They probably get offered dogs weekly by all their friends and family that try to breed or just don't bother to get their pets fixed.

My extended family is the worst. My Grandma actually considers it in insult when she calls me "dog lover" but I am very proud when someone calls me that. 

Think about it, domestic animals, like cats, dogs, hamster, etc., have only to rely on the kindness of stranger. A human acquires them, and hopefully that human is decent and realizes the animal is not some soulless creature put on earth just for their amusement, it is a poor defenseless animal that has to live in a fucked up world full of disgusting people who aren't worth a shit but still value themselves over all animals.