Monday, May 20, 2013

I'm in love with a stripper.

This weekend I went to Vegas with some girl friends and had a little more fun than usually. My previous ventures to Sin City we always coed. We had a lot of fun, but it was mostly visiting bars and female strip joints. Well, this trip was different because the only thing we frequented was a male strip club, an awesomely raunchy one that I will be scrimping and saving just so I can visit it again soon. 

I had never experienced a male stripper before...that I can remember. But, I do watch a lot of reality TV shows, and every time they have a male stripper perform for whatever occasion, I tell myself, "you need to fuck a male stripper at least once in your life!" So, it's officially on my Bucket List, and here's why: They do things with their hips that are extremely talented, and their stamina is unbelievable. I truly believe it would be worth the money to pay a stripper for sex. So next time I go to Las Vegas, I will have a butt-load of cash and I am propositioning one of them bad boys (I have a specific one in mind, I hope he doesn't retire before I can go back).

I plan to gamble when I go to Vegas again....with my sexual health!!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Dat Superbowl

So, yesterday was the Super Bowl. I hate football but I watched it, not for the commercials, although they can be funny, but the reason I watched is because I never miss a chance to get drunk with my family. I consumed so much alcohol yesterday, I don't really remember any of the commercials, or anything for that matter. I remember the game  because I had a whole five dollars riding on the Baltimore Ravens. I actually hate competition and wish both teams could win, so it was hard to root against a team, especially the 49ers because their quarterback, Colin Kaepernick looks kind of dumb, and seems like a nice guy. 

I realize it's foolish to feel bad for someone who makes so much money, but I do. And Ray Lewis, the Raven's linebacker might be a murderer, so that was kind of weird hoping his team would win.
If Ray Lewis was known for being abusive to animals or something, I definitely wouldn't have bet on the Ravens, the only reason I did was because my Uncle was all about the 49ers and he was the only one willing to bet on it. Sports are more entertaining when you have money riding on them.

One thing I didn't like about the entertainment for the Superbowl was that they had the Sandy Hook Elementary School survivors sing "America the Beautiful" with Jennifer Hudson. It seems those kids know first hand why America isn't so great, actually, I take that back, it's the world that sucks; meaning humans. I obviously do not have a logical complaint against this, it just seemed in bad taste to me.
The gorgeous Alicia Keys sang the "Start Spangled Banner", It was good, it wasn't the most riveting rendition,  but we can't all be Whitney Houston....or Rosanne.

So what else happened this Superbowl? The coaches of the opposing teams were brothers, that's cool.  Made for some cute memes.

Perhaps "cute" isn't the right term. Then the ever-successful Beyonce performed for the half time show. My grandpa fell in love with her, so at least she looked good. It was fine, nothing to write home to mom about.

The best part of of the whole game was the power outage.
I kept imagining that I was at the Superdome, sitting next to a sexy dude and the power goes out, then, I make my move and grab for his crotch...