Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Mugshot Lothario

Lots of dudes are upset because women are going crazy over this guys mugshot. I understand why, it's frustrating when men go for vapid beauty queens instead of women who may not be the best looking but have real substance. I am glad women are finally showing the men in this world that we can be as shallow and superficial as they are. 

And it's about time dammit! I will not rest until a man can open a Playboy magazine, see a centerfold of Mother Teresa and tack it up on their bedroom wall so they can lay on their bed at night and daydream about her generosity, compassion and selflessness. And once that occurs, maybe us women will stop having the hots for sexy felons.

Monday, June 23, 2014

How many touchdowns did USA score in the World Cup this weekend?

I jest with my title. While I do not know much about soccer, I do know that there are no touchdowns involved. 

Lately it seems like way more people are into soccer then in the past, I assume it is because social media is so prevalent in most of our lives and many people like to be apart of any big event that is going on in sports. I personally try to avoid watching competitive sports, I always feel bad for the loser. I try to remind myself that the players are all aware of the fact they might lose and that they usually get paid a handsome fee to compete, but honestly it's just too much for my bleeding heart. 

Too bad, it's a pretty good aphrodisiac for dudes if a female is into sports. At least that's what a lot of women think. Scrolling through my Facebook news feed, most of the obnoxious sport references are not from the males. Sure, the men talk sports and you can find a few team logos on their profile, but they usually don't cram it down your throat that they are in to sports. Sometimes I just want to tell them, "okay, we get it, you are incredibly unique, you have a vagina yet you like to watch people play with balls". If I did that I would be considered a "Hater", which I am...but why does everyone have to know.

It's too bad I am not into sports, I am lucky enough to watch the World Cup while I'm at work. My coworker has been watching it and I just can't seem to get into it. I'm sure at a live game it would be exciting and all the energy would help me develop an interest. 

Eh, who cares.

Monday, May 20, 2013

I'm in love with a stripper.

This weekend I went to Vegas with some girl friends and had a little more fun than usually. My previous ventures to Sin City we always coed. We had a lot of fun, but it was mostly visiting bars and female strip joints. Well, this trip was different because the only thing we frequented was a male strip club, an awesomely raunchy one that I will be scrimping and saving just so I can visit it again soon. 

I had never experienced a male stripper before...that I can remember. But, I do watch a lot of reality TV shows, and every time they have a male stripper perform for whatever occasion, I tell myself, "you need to fuck a male stripper at least once in your life!" So, it's officially on my Bucket List, and here's why: They do things with their hips that are extremely talented, and their stamina is unbelievable. I truly believe it would be worth the money to pay a stripper for sex. So next time I go to Las Vegas, I will have a butt-load of cash and I am propositioning one of them bad boys (I have a specific one in mind, I hope he doesn't retire before I can go back).

I plan to gamble when I go to Vegas again....with my sexual health!!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Dat Superbowl

So, yesterday was the Super Bowl. I hate football but I watched it, not for the commercials, although they can be funny, but the reason I watched is because I never miss a chance to get drunk with my family. I consumed so much alcohol yesterday, I don't really remember any of the commercials, or anything for that matter. I remember the game  because I had a whole five dollars riding on the Baltimore Ravens. I actually hate competition and wish both teams could win, so it was hard to root against a team, especially the 49ers because their quarterback, Colin Kaepernick looks kind of dumb, and seems like a nice guy. 

I realize it's foolish to feel bad for someone who makes so much money, but I do. And Ray Lewis, the Raven's linebacker might be a murderer, so that was kind of weird hoping his team would win.
If Ray Lewis was known for being abusive to animals or something, I definitely wouldn't have bet on the Ravens, the only reason I did was because my Uncle was all about the 49ers and he was the only one willing to bet on it. Sports are more entertaining when you have money riding on them.

One thing I didn't like about the entertainment for the Superbowl was that they had the Sandy Hook Elementary School survivors sing "America the Beautiful" with Jennifer Hudson. It seems those kids know first hand why America isn't so great, actually, I take that back, it's the world that sucks; meaning humans. I obviously do not have a logical complaint against this, it just seemed in bad taste to me.
The gorgeous Alicia Keys sang the "Start Spangled Banner", It was good, it wasn't the most riveting rendition,  but we can't all be Whitney Houston....or Rosanne.

So what else happened this Superbowl? The coaches of the opposing teams were brothers, that's cool.  Made for some cute memes.

Perhaps "cute" isn't the right term. Then the ever-successful Beyonce performed for the half time show. My grandpa fell in love with her, so at least she looked good. It was fine, nothing to write home to mom about.

The best part of of the whole game was the power outage.
I kept imagining that I was at the Superdome, sitting next to a sexy dude and the power goes out, then, I make my move and grab for his crotch...