Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I doubt I would have the balls to kill myself.

Killing yourself is serious business. Some people feel it's the cowards way out. I don't, I think you have to have some brass balls to face the unknown. For instance, what happens to us when we die, and how bad is it gonna hurt? I recently watched The Bridge.

It's a film about people who commit suicide by jumping off of the Golden Gate bridge. The movie came out in 2006, so I am kind of late on watching it, but I've known about it since it came out if that means anything. 

Anyways, it was a very good film and really makes you think. You actually see a few people jump, which is a bit jarring. 

Initially, I thought jumping to your death  would probably be the scariest way to end it all. At least jumping from a building onto concrete, that seems crazy, but jumping into water (although from certain heights it has the same impact as concrete) doesn't seem that bad.

There is a song from the 90's that romanticizes "jumping", I really like it.

Another song that I really enjoy that talks about suicide is from Suicidal Tendencies.

Although, I like a few songs about suicide, I do not believe I will ever have the gumption to take matters into my own hands. Perhaps, if I thought life was no longer worth living, I would simply live reckless in hopes that I would eventually die. 
I am not sure if people still kill themselves by sticking their heads in the oven, but I fell, unless my oven is pristine, I would not be able to end it that way. I would have to make sure my oven is spotless, because to me, the most depressing thing would be to stare at my pathetically dirty oven on the way out of this world. 

I always assumed, that if I ever decided to kill myself, I would choose an overdose of pills; until recently. I actually took way too many pills about a year ago, and it sucked. My body felt so weird and it was pretty scary. It got me thinking that a pill overdose might not be all it's cracked up to be, it might actually take a long time. I would hate to slowly die, and by the time I realized that I do want to live, I would die ten minutes after that. 

Shooting myself in the head, is definitely not a route I would take. There is far too much room for error. I have heard many a story about people who fucked up, and lived even though half their head was blown off. Can you imagine hating your life with a complete face, then having to continue life deformed? No siree bob.
Hanging ones self doesn't seem to bad, yet it doesn't seem that good either. 

If I am gonna end it all, once I make my move, I do not want much pain and especially I do not want any time for reflection.

Better off Dead is a pretty funny movie about suicide. Every time he decides to kill himself, he changes his mind and ends up getting pushed, or fucking it up. 
Slitting wrists seems like a "go to" move when it comes to suicide. It seems romantic and all, but too pedestrian for my tastes.

But really, when you are at your wits end, you just use what's available right?

Monday, April 23, 2012

When Kanye and Kim have a baby, let's club it, then skin it alive! I'm sure it's skin will make a cool hat.

Look at these smug assholes wearing the fur of poor defenseless animals. I really wish someone would at the very least take a wood shaver to them at least once so that they can have some inkling of what they are doing to animals in the name of fashion and status. 

It seems that fur is making a comeback, which is truly despicable. It's not like the people wearing fur are caveman in need of warmth during extreme weather. It's rich assholes whom have every comfort available to them. 

I used to watch Ice Loves Coco, but that bitch Coco wears fur, so I am done with that imbecilic show. I like to watch mentally disabled people do stupid stuff to entertain me, but not if they do it while wearing fur.

Another show I have given up on is Fashion Police. Joan rivers wears fur, and for a while I was gonna let it go because she is so old, and grew up in a less humane era. But I can't let it go any longer. No one on Fashion Police has voiced any opinion on people wearing fur, it might be due to the fact that the host, Joan, is a fur wearing cunt. Whatever the reason I will boycott that show also. 
The first show I banned from my own viewing was Johnny Weirs reality show on Logo. I love the gays, but refuse to be a fan of someone who wears fur. It's an unnecessary evil.

A person who wears fur in a disgusting, self-important creep that needs to be knocked off of their pedestal.

If anyone is wondering what is wrong with the fur trade, look it up yourself, I cannot stomach it.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm here, eating oatmeal like an idiot!

Fuck curing AIDS, Cancer, or MS; the money is in helping all the lazy creeps in society to get skinnier without having to eat healthy, or exercise. We all know this about our disgusting society. Keeping the sick, sick, makes money, not curing them. And people will pay anything to be able to be lazy pigs, and still look presentable. At least people dying slowly from a disease are usually thin right?

So, now that i am done with my little rant, let's talk about the new quick fix weight loss solutions. I love pills. Not necessarily for the weight loss aspect, but for the euphoric possibilities. I was going to a diet doctor who gave out "phen" pills to his clients. If it weren't for how far away his office is from me; and the fact that i started to get chest pains, i would still be taking them. I have been taking muscle relaxers which are fun, but the problem with those is that you can't take them daily and get the same effect.

If you feel like telling me that i should try sobriety for a while, don't waste your breath; not gonna happen.

I read a lot of magazines, mostly fashion mags, so they have a lot of diet articles. While perusing the ads in one of my magazines recently, I stumbled upon a diet pill add that I have been waiting for. Here are some of the key points of the add that caught my attention:

They're flying off the shelf...
But they're NOT for everyone!

Most of us thought the era of the "Super-Powerful" diet pill ended a few years back when the FDA removed Ephedra and Fen-Phen from the U.S. market because of safety concerns.

"while the pills cause rapid weight loss (no doubt about that), most people buy them as 'speed' pills"

Sir, you had me at speed pills!

I have ordered diet pills that boast euphoric qualities, and they haven't lived up to the hype. Hopefully, these ones are as bad as they are making them out to be. I need a new drug.

Not everyone is like me (obviously) and some people just want a quick weight loss fix.

We have the "nose drip" diet. Which will help you lose ten to twenty pounds in 10 days. I posted a link to the article, basically it just feed you 800 calories through a nose drip. You stay full and satisfied all day, and can drink tea, coffee or water.

Then there is a less evasive stomach stapling procedure that is gaining popularity.

I hate that people get their stomachs stapled, or Gastric Bypass surgery, or  the Lap Band. Take Carnie Wilson for instance, she had one of those procedures done, and now she is fat again, AND got another surgery. Her reasoning for the second surgery was that she is really close to getting diabetes and she refuses to get diabetes, so she has to get her stomach stapled again. 
Good grief, try a healthy diet lard ass.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Hey Dr Dre, is that a Tupac hologram? Or are you just happy to be relevant?

Hopefully this video I posted is decent, I really don't feel like sitting through it to make sure. Everyone seems to be talking about this Tupac hologram, so I decided to say my piece on the whole debacle, because so far, all I have heard is praise and awe.

I get it. Tupac is still one of the most beloved rappers ever. He was good looking, and seemed smart as a sexy, dangerous thug could be. The fact that he was taken from us in his prime only adds to his legend.

I haven't heard any accusations come up that Tupac wasn't the thug that he portrayed in his look and in his music. Maybe because he died from a drive by, people are just happy to believe he was what he said he was. Now, Snoop Dogg and Dr Dre has a very different reputation proceeding them.

I used to like Snoop and Dr Dre. they made good music......emphasis on the word "made". And really, I don't care if my rappers are "street" or not. I enjoy a good song. But I do hate sell outs and most who are revered in today's society.

Eminem was sucking all over Dr Dre's asshole in his last album (which i thought was terrible, but who am I anyway?) and Snoop Dogg is clinging to Whiz Kalifah's young balls with his life. 

So, now that I have collected my thoughts, the reason the Tupac Hologram which appeared at the Coachella Festivle this year bothers me so, is that, it was a desperate attempt for two old sycophants to get into the spot light again. 

Just like when my favorite, Eazy (muthafuckin) E died, Snoop and Dre exploited that mans memory in a pathetic attempt to sell a "New NWA" album. Which, thank god, tanked.
Easy E didn't like Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg. But, when Easy E was on his deathbed, he made amends with Dr Dre. From what I have heard of deathbeds, you tend to make amends with anyone who is willing. You're about to meet your maker for cripes sake, why not forgive? 
Anyways, Dr Dre announced the reconciliation and decided to start the New NWA. Basically he went to Easy E's deathbed with an agenda to make money, not visit an old dying friend.

So, now they will milk tupac's memory as much as possible, and everyone will buy it. What a beautiful world we live in.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What a drag.

Welp, we are down to the last three of Ru Paul's Drag Race Season 4. On Monday, April 23rd we will find who will be the Winnah!

I pray to the sweet lord above that it is not Phi Phi O'hara.

She is petty, and oh, so boring! The only thing that is mildly interesting about her is that she has so much drama backstage; which she starts coz she has a shitty attitude and takes everything personal. And honestly, the drama she starts is also uninteresting. It bothers me that she is in the top three because it gives her validation that she doesn't deserve. 

I would have loved if Latrice Royale would have been top three.

She had personality. Although she may have needed work on make up application, I think of all the big girls from Drag Race, Latrice best dressed her full figure.

The other two who remain in the race are Sharon Needles and Chad Michaels.

Chad Michals is an obviously seasoned Queen. I really like her, and wanted her in the top three, and maybe if Sharon Needles wasn't in the running, Chad would get my vote. 

But, alas, Ms. Needles is in the running and I hope she wins! She has a good look, is sharp minded and funny. I think of all the girls this Season, she would be Ru's best choice as winner. She brings something different to the table and also has a fun/smart personality. 

So we will find out in a week who Ru Paul chooses. If it is Phi Phi O'hara, I will have lost all faith in Ru Paul.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Who loves Richard Simmons? I love Richard Simmons!

Oh, Richard Simmons. How do I love thee? Let me count thy ways:

Okay, I don't feel like counting the specific ways that Richard Simmons brings joy into my life. I would rather post a bunch of amazing pictures and talk about his awesome "Slimmons" studio in Beverly Hills.

 First and foremost, Mr. simmons has been taking the funniest diet pictures since the seventies.

I think that most people just consider Richard some freak who doesn't realize how he is viewed. I disagree. I think Richard knows exactly how he is perceived, he just likes to act naive so that it remains super funny.

Even if he is oblivious to the worlds view of him, I am just glad that he is the way he is. He truly makes me happy when I see a photo of him; he never disappoints.

He has a workout studio in Beverly Hills, I have been once and although I was working out, I had a smile on my face the entire time. It is amazing. He wears great outfits, and acts like a total freak during the workout. He will turn the music down while everyone is working out and say something perverted like " I want to lick you". He does that kind of thing sporadically throughout the session. Towards the end, he has everyone get into a circle, then he singles people out to dance with him one on one. If it is a dude, he usually takes their shirt off while dancing, unless they are chunky, then he leaves their shirt on. He doesn't want to embarrass anyone (except for himself lol).

The workout is so fun and it has all ranges of fitness and age. When I found out his studio was in Beverly Hills, I was a bit intimidated, dreading that it would be full of anorexic beauties, but it wasn't like that at all. There was older people, big people, young and small. People with limited mobility were welcome, and sat on a chair while doing arm movements. 

Here is the link for Slimmons:

One thing that bums me out is that Tia and Tamara recently went to Slimmons, which, I am sure was for their reality tv show.

I realize it will be great for Richard, but I fear once the episode of Slimmons airs, it will be nearly impossible to catch a class without lining up hours ahead. At least for a few months. Ugh, oh well. I am hoping to go either this weekend or next. I can't wait to see the lovely outfit he will be wearing.




Or what crazy things he'll do.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Talk to your children about birth control options....please!

I do not have any children, nor have I ever had to have an abortion. I have been on birth control, off and on since I was a freshman in high school. My parents put me on birth control as soon as they found out I was dating. 

Most parents feel that if they talk to their children about birth control or condoms, they are giving them permission to have sex. Some children may  misconstrue birth control as a free pass to have sex....but really, those kids are most likely the type to have sex whether given "permission" or not.

I was put on birth control when i was 15, and didn't lose my virginity until i was 19. Maybe it was because i was shy, or that i had not met anyone I deemed worthy to take my virginity, but looking back, I think that going on birth control before I was sexually active taught me that sex was a serious matter, not to be taken lightly.

When a parent talks to their child about sex, it's going to be awkward, for both parties involved, but you have to do it. When I would watch movies with my mom, if something sexual occurred, she would explain it to me. At the time I would of rather she didn't, but looking back I am glad she did. My dad would talk to me about boys and what they really wanted. I am sure that was really hard for him, but he did it anyways and because he did, I don't get played, I am the player.

Young people are going to have sex if they want to. Abstinence doesn't work. Instead of keeping children in the dark about sex, we should at least educate them so that hopefully they will use protection.

I was watching 16 and pregnant the other day, and the young girl said that she didn't use a condom because she was embarrassed to ask the guy if he had one. She wasn't embarrassed to sleep with him, just embarrassed to ask him about using protection. Perhaps if her mom would have talked to her about prophylactics, it would have taken some of the embarrassment away.

Bristol Palin had a baby in her teens and then started an abstinence campaign. Is middle America that stupid? Or does everyone consider it the joke that it is? Many American religious people are just backwards and terrible. They teach abstinence and when that doesn't work and a young girl ends up pregnant, they guilt her into having the child. Then they complain that welfare and crime is out of control. It makes me so angry!

Most people use condoms for fear of pregnancy, it's astounding how many could care less about sexually transmitted diseases. When I watch a trash talk show like Maury, I am baffled by how many woman let a number of men ejaculate inside them. Is no one afraid of HIV or herpes? I sure the fuck know I am! I am Ms. condom. Don't get me wrong, I have had some drunken moments when I wasn't protected. But that is rare, for the most part I always have some, I give em out. I once went to the river with a bunch of condoms; but no sunblock

but a sunburn goes away, herpes are forever...

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Hey Hollywood, Stop making Peter Parker ugly!!!

Please take a close look at the Peter Parker shown above. Notice the strong features and handsome square jaw? Now please look at the two dweebs they have gotten to play Peter Parker in the movies.

Tobey Maguire

Andrew Garfield

I mean, gag me with a spoon! Blargh! They are ugly and far too dweeby.

When the Spiderman movie starring Tobey Maguire came out, i was aghast to say the least. Mostly because the last time i had seen a reinvention of Peter Parker, it was the Fox Kids cartoon from the 90's.

Although he dressed like someone off of Miami Vice, he was classically handsome. The original comic had a classically handsome Peter Parker also. Why Hollywood chooses to make Peter look un-fuckable is beyond me.

When I have voiced my opinion on this topic, everyone has had the same infuriating response:

"but Peter Parker is a nerd in the comic"


Not the little chihuahua of a man that Hollywood is making him out to be.

Who do I think Hollywood should have cast as Peter Parker you ask? Hmm, let me think here....I would have to say an unknown razor commercial model....Let me Google handsome...

Matthew Bomer

Maybe Matthew Bomer if he wasn't so googly eyed, he can't quite pull off the Intellectual look.

But in this last picture I am posting of him, he looks so good I want to sop  him up with a biscuit.

There you go, 2012 number one draft pick for Peter Parker.