Monday, October 8, 2012

Danny Devito is finally up for grabs!!

News is that Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman are getting divorced. I know that it's sad, they have been together since the early 1970's, so, if my math is correct, it was a forty year relationship. No one should take pleasure in a relationship of that length ending...but I do, because I am in love with Danny Devito, and now he is single and ready to mingle!!

This man is so adorable and my love for him runs so deep, that I would not allow anyone to watch the show Cheers in my presence, because the sight of Rhea Perlman filled me with so much jealousy I couldn't stand it. 

I hadn't always loved Mr. Devito, I always thought he was cool but I didn't develop feelings for him until I started watching him on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. If I recall, my crush started when he was hitting a bong and had his leg up on the bar for some odd reason, it was so cute. 

But the moment I fell in love with him was during The Nightman Cometh episode. He was beyond adorable. After that, I started to notice how charming he is in all of his roles. Plus, he's always drunk and so am I. 

We are a match made in heaven....his face would come right up to my boobs. Now alls I gotta do is find some way to kidnap, then brainwash him so that he loves me too and we can spend the rest of our inebriated lives together...fairy tales do exist!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

MInaj V. Carey

I hate American Idol. I think it is a stupid show with talentless hacks doing terrible performances. But, I have to admit, if they are smart enough to show tidbits of the Nicki Minaj/Mariah Carey arguments, I will watch until the girls start to get along or one of them quits. 

I couldn't find a decent video of their recent fight on Youtube, so I will just post a link to TMZ, incase you haven't already seen it.

What's good about TMZ is that they actually have a script of the otherwise inaudible fight.

I forgot to mention, besides hating American Idol, I also dislike Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj.

 I don't have any real reason to dislike Mariah other than she seems like a psycho megalomaniac (she had her husband play a recording of her concert during the birth or their twins so that it was the first thing they ever heard), but I do enjoy some of her music, and of course, no one can argue the beauty of her singing voice.

Nicki Minaj on the other hand, doesn't seem to have a noticeable talent; her rapping is okay. She tries too hard, I'd say her talent is that she sure knows how to run a gimmick into the ground. Some of her songs are catchy, but I doubt she writes most of her lyrics or helps that much with production, if she does, I give my deepest apologies. Also, during the argument, Nicki just sounds like a mentally disabled, whiny, wannabe gangster.

I know American Idol is extremely happy about the confrontations, but they aren't going to show us the juicy stuff. They will allude to it maybe, but they will try to get everyone to focus on "what's really important": the crappy contestants.

So I say we take a stand! Don't tune in unless you know for a fact that they are going to give us the dirt! We deserve it!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Honey Boo Boo Child

Many times I shake my head in despair at the downfall of humanity, and I wonder; why wont people help make this world a better place? Then I grab my beer, scroll through my recorded tv shows, and put on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.

I know it's wrong. I realize that I am part of the problem. I just cannot help myself. Each episode has shocked and amazed me. I knew there were people in this world that were uneducated, gross and outrageous; I just didn't know to what extent

Now, to give myself some credit, my plan was to avoid watching the show all together, but a dear friend that I respect, and who also loves the morbid as much as I do, recommended the show to me.

The first episode I saw was the episode where Mama's neck crust debuted. The family was shopping and Pumpkin found a product in the store that can remove rust, so she went to her mom and said it could remove the crust from her neck.

Then they showed a close up of Mama's neck crust. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, I was blown away, yet, I was also laughing. Little did I know, neck crust is a minor thing compared to Mama's forklift foot.

Mama has an old forklift injury on her foot, it was ran over by a forklift. She wears a sock on it all the time, even while swimming, and also while making love to Sugar Bear (her babies daddy).

The one time she showed of the forklift foot, was when her and the girls went to a water park to reward them for gaining weight while on a diet. when I looked up pictures of her foot, there was some pretty gross images. I don't want to subject you guys nor myself to that so I will post a moderately gross pic.

The toenail is ugly,  but that isn't what makes her foot so disgusting...when she pulled the musty sock off her foot, gnats started buzzing around. I swear, when I saw it, I could have sworn that the gnats crawled out from under and around the nail. It  was one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. 

That is, until I saw the episode where Mama made her famous sketti sauce...

...which seems to be equal parts butter and ketchup, or catsup (i didn't catch the brand they used). To me, this seems sooo disgusting, but then again, the way they were chomping this stuff down, and the fact that it is so terribly unhealthy, it leads me to believe that it probably is pretty tasty. Still, I am proud to say that I can guarantee that I will not try that concoction. I'll stick to store bought, preservative filled Prego, thank you very much.

Those are the main things of the show that appalled me, but there are so many other small things that make it worth watching. The world is going to hell in a handbasket anyways, might as well watch Honey Boo Boo and her family, what else are you gonna do? Read?

Monday, October 1, 2012

It's October! I can hardly contain myself!

     Fuck January, I am going to use the beautiful month of October to make a new start in my life. For instance, one thing I have decided to do is resume my blog! Yes, my fans, I know so many of you were distraught at my absence, but I am back. I figure, since I would someday like to be paid writer, I should practice writing everyday, even if it is just my idiotic ramblings, practice is practice. On that note, my goal is to also create comics for warped minds to enjoy, so I need to do maybe two a week, and also practice drawing, because I really need help in that area.

As you can see from my comic above, I need all the practice I can get. Let's see, what other changes towards my betterment did I decide to do? Oh yeah! I am going to finally get serious about losing weight. I have been fat for about five years now, and I think I am finally sick of it! (I think).

Hmm, for self improvement I think those are the only things I decided to work on, now let me share with you why October is such a wonderful month.

Halloween! I adore Halloween and all it entails. I actually love it so much that I keep decorations up year round, luckily my loving boyfriend doesn't give me any crap about it. 

The horror movies! In October, many channels play more horror flicks than usual during the month, and the week of Halloween it's like a beautiful horror orgy! I love it. 

The weather! I actually live in the desert so it's not so much beautiful fall colors and stuff, it's just, tolerable weather, instead of the excruciating heat of the summer. 

Welp, I guess that's everything. I am really looking forward to this being a great month...did i just jinx myself?