Monday, June 11, 2012

Everyone is stupid and I hate leaving my house.

I don't have a topic today, I just want to describe my commute to work this morning. 
I was running late (like always) but I needed some ice tea, since the only tea I have brewed at home doesn't taste very good....well, I have only tasted it while hungover, but I figured on a Monday, I shouldn't risk having to choke down gross tea. 

I live in a small town which has two donut shops that serve brewed iced tea. Of course, I live closest to the shop that kind of grosses me out and the people are rude. Being in such a hurry I decided to go there. As I reach for my money, I realize my boyfriend has it in the house. I know exactly where it is because he tried to hand it to me last night, but I was having fun getting inebriated and told him I would get it later. 

I have my ATM card, but this particular donut shop is cash only. Great.

Now, I have 7 minutes to get to work, and i need some type of hydration for the first four hours of my shift. (I drink about a gallon of water in the morning because I am always dehydrated due to the massive amount of alcohol I imbibed the previous night, Monday, being the day that I require the most hydration.)

I can go to the liquor store right by my job, and buy a giant water, or drive to the "good" donut shop which is about five minutes away. If I hop on the freeway and drive like a maniac....I really want Iced tea and even though my boss is supposed to show up at work today, I decide I can make it ...yeah, I'll make it. 

With all of the determination of the fat dehydrated girl I am, I hop onto the freeway and do 70 in the slow lane till I reach my exit. As I zoom onto the off ramp and towards the stop light, I see some asshole who is in the center of the right lane so that I cannot squeeze through and make a right turn. So I have to begrudgingly wait for the light to turn green. 

While I impatiently wait for the light, I have another choice to make; follow the truck that blocked my right turn, which will take me directly to my donut shop, or, make a right turn, and then have to do a U-turn to get to said shop.

I figure I'll just follow the jerk ahead of me. Wrong choice

Once the light turns green, the man in the  truck slowly, slowly, slowly drives through the intersection. I think to myself; please,sir, do not be going to the donut shop...

I finish my plea and wait for the turtle-like man in the truck to carefully ease his way into the parking lot that i need to go into. Of course.

As he meanders to park right in front of the shop, I turn into the first parking spot, hop out and sprint to beat the slow poke and be first in line.

The elation that I had from the small victory of beating my nemesis into the shop slowly drained out of me as I recognize a family member I haven't seen in years. Hopefully he is not in the mood to catch up....

We say hello and he asked me how I have been, and I say, "good, running late to work".

And then we say bye. Oh how I love people who can take a hint!

I order my iced tea and hand the dude my credit card. He keeps trying to tell me something but with his accent I have no idea what the hell he is saying.

.........Finally the other dude says "It's $0.75 extra".

I tell them it is okay, and wait while they slide my card, then I enter my pin number. The transaction goes through, and the first receipt slowly prints....but it's not my receipt, it's the merchants copy. I have to wait for the second receipt to slowly print, of course the man has trouble ripping it from the machine. He finally figures out what he's doing and hands me my receipt so I can leave.

Success! I got my tea, my receipt and it's time to fly to work. Then I see a man in a very large pick-up truck backing up into the spot next to me. I have to walk around him as he completes his bonehead parking job.

Now my car is very close to his crooked truck (the moron isn't very good at backing up apparently), plus it's blocking my visibility I still maneuver recklessly out of my spot and towards the street because I have two minutes to be at my desk.

I have no problems on the freeway but when I exit I notice two people pulling trailers, and they are having trouble at the stop sign because it has a humongous dip...

We all wait for the two trucks, which are each pulling trailers and nervous about the dip they have to nivigate to get through the intersection. By the time I get to the stop sign, the chick who was there a second before me is just like everyone else in the world:
 she has not a care in the world this Monday morning and therefore no need to hurry, or even go at a normal speed.

I drive around her while she is still going through the intersection....and I am thinking, dear god, the way my morning is going, my boss will definitely be at my desk, wondering why I am late and then wondering how often I am late, because I do not punch a clock. (I am rarely late, by the way, right on time, yes. Late, no.)  I really don't want to get a bad reputation at work.....Maybe I shoulda went without the ice tea? lol.

The last intersection I have to deal with before I am safe at my desk, I get there third...Goddammit!!!!

As I check my surroundings, I notice two high school children preparing to cross in front of me. I thought school was out already! I make an executive decision and decide to go before my turn. I safely make it through the intersection without killing anyone or causing a fender bender and I am finally at work....four minutes late. 

Luckily my boss wasn't there when I arrived. 
Tonight I will brew some tea at home....

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