oh family. it's wonderful to have family right? they are there to comfort you when you are feeling low, loan you money when you need it, blah, blah, blah. but since i was younger i have always wanted the least amount of family possible. family makes you feel bad....and this is coming from a person who has a truly understanding and supportive family. they root me on no matter what. they have accepted my flaws and peculiaralities. but the worst thing about them is how much they love me. their love for me makes me rethink my whole "live fast die young" mentality. i have always yearned for a life of freedom...freedom from worrying about hurting my loved ones due to my debaucherous activities. liver disease, HIV, poverty....if i am doomed to experience those things i want to do it in solitude...not with my family suffering my fate also.
so what is the answer? cutting family out of my life? of course not. that would hurt them just as bad. it sucks and i feel screwed.