the big "so what"

recently, a former classmate committed suicide. now, i wasn't close to her in anyway, i knew of her and always thought of her as a very friendly, extremely nice person.

facebook has changed things. instead of hearing about the misfortunes of a classmate, feeling bad for them and then moving on since you didn't know them all that well, now you get to hear the thoughts and  regret from their actual loved ones. it makes things harder since people aren't as anonymous as they used to be.

suicide. man, what a scary aspect. i cannot begin to comprehend what a dark scary place one must be in to take their own life. i have no religion. i hope that we reincarnate. but really, i assume life is just over. you cease to exist physically and spiritually.

for some reason hell seems cool to me. like "the place to be". all the fun/interesting people will be in hell. meanwhile heaven is full of stuffy self righteous haters. i have never experienced a ghost or any other supernatural being. are ghost victims of purgatory? i am not sure. but i would be more open to an alien abduction story than some ghost story or a sphere in a photograph.

when i get scared of death or the big "so what" i tend to lean more towards the popular faiths of christianity/catholocism......they are not soothing.

no one knows what happens when we die, how desperate is it to say to yourself  "fuck it, it has to be better than this"