surreal life

i had a dui when i was around 27 years old. since that time, i do not drink and drive. but i am usually drunk, or at least buzzed. the few days i have been on a sober kick, i just stayed home and tried not to go crazy. today, since i was sober, i had to pick my dude up from his lunch at 1830 and it was already dark. i must admit it was weird getting into a car by myself in the dark and driving somewhere. usually by dark i have already started drinking so either someone is driving me or i walk. i wonder if i am going to like this new found freedom.

i am sure it sounds absurd, and actually i used to consider myself a very independent woman. oh what i would give to live in an area that has great public transportation. i live in a low brow desert, the majority here only care about junk food and television. not that i turn up my nose to those items completely, but i do consider myself a tad more cultured.

when i moved back to this town it was after a major break up. my goal was to stay in my hometown for a while, save up some money and then move to a bustling city. i did the exact opposite. i partied my brains out, got a dui and fell into a hole that i am barely out of, but since my dude doesn't make that much money right now, it is hard to save up to leave this desolate hell hole. at least my family is here. they are the silver lining to the crap cloud i deal with daily.

also, this is day three of me not drinking and i have pain everywhere. and as from what i remember, it started monday. i have a physical in about two weeks. hope i don't die before then.