so i painted a new picture.

so i painted a new picture. do you like it ^ ? i am still on the fence, i am thinking i should have held off on the red under the eyes, or maybe did the red differently. but that is the beauty of oil paints; if you add a bold color, you are kind of stuck with it.

tomorrow i go to my primary care doctor for a physical. yay! i have no idea what to expect; i assume i have some type of terrible condition, Web MD told me so. i just want to lay all my symptoms out on the table. it will have to be an extremely large table with reinforced legs. i hope they don't dismiss my numerous symptoms as just another hypochondriac. i would really appreciate a genuine concern from the doctor so that they may take me seriously and test me accordingly. we shall see. if all my symptoms are all in my head or brought on by stress, i would be extremely relieved. let us cross our fingers.

so i know i have previously mentioned my dangerous diet pills. i hope the doctor doesn't come to the conclusion that i should stop taking them. if so i guess i gotta sell em on a street corner because i already paid for a bunch so i am at least gonna go collect them. maybe i'll loiter outside a krispy creme. when a fat ass walks out looking guilty i can offer them a solution to their problem. most fat people don't seem to care. i am obviously a fat ass that feels guilty; hence the diet pills.

i used to like pills a lot, just due to the different affects they had on me. but that all stopped when i took too many tramadol one day and thought i had really fucked up. but luckily i made it through the night (a very long night of worrying, showering and also trying to barf). two weeks later a friend of mine took the pills and overdosed(had a seizure). so that changed my relationship with pills. before, i would pop em like it was nothing. all i thought about was how to get some good pills. now, i try to avoid them and if i have to take them i follow the instructions. but guess what? i started drinking again(surprise, surprise) and i am not supposed to drink with these diet pills. so i have to make a decision; get skinny or continue to drink. odds are i will continue to drink and take diet pills. will i ever learn?

probably not. i will most likely learn my lesson once it's too late. as most do.