Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm here, eating oatmeal like an idiot!

Fuck curing AIDS, Cancer, or MS; the money is in helping all the lazy creeps in society to get skinnier without having to eat healthy, or exercise. We all know this about our disgusting society. Keeping the sick, sick, makes money, not curing them. And people will pay anything to be able to be lazy pigs, and still look presentable. At least people dying slowly from a disease are usually thin right?

So, now that i am done with my little rant, let's talk about the new quick fix weight loss solutions. I love pills. Not necessarily for the weight loss aspect, but for the euphoric possibilities. I was going to a diet doctor who gave out "phen" pills to his clients. If it weren't for how far away his office is from me; and the fact that i started to get chest pains, i would still be taking them. I have been taking muscle relaxers which are fun, but the problem with those is that you can't take them daily and get the same effect.

If you feel like telling me that i should try sobriety for a while, don't waste your breath; not gonna happen.

I read a lot of magazines, mostly fashion mags, so they have a lot of diet articles. While perusing the ads in one of my magazines recently, I stumbled upon a diet pill add that I have been waiting for. Here are some of the key points of the add that caught my attention:

They're flying off the shelf...
But they're NOT for everyone!

Most of us thought the era of the "Super-Powerful" diet pill ended a few years back when the FDA removed Ephedra and Fen-Phen from the U.S. market because of safety concerns.

"while the pills cause rapid weight loss (no doubt about that), most people buy them as 'speed' pills"

Sir, you had me at speed pills!

I have ordered diet pills that boast euphoric qualities, and they haven't lived up to the hype. Hopefully, these ones are as bad as they are making them out to be. I need a new drug.

Not everyone is like me (obviously) and some people just want a quick weight loss fix.

We have the "nose drip" diet. Which will help you lose ten to twenty pounds in 10 days. I posted a link to the article, basically it just feed you 800 calories through a nose drip. You stay full and satisfied all day, and can drink tea, coffee or water.

Then there is a less evasive stomach stapling procedure that is gaining popularity.

I hate that people get their stomachs stapled, or Gastric Bypass surgery, or  the Lap Band. Take Carnie Wilson for instance, she had one of those procedures done, and now she is fat again, AND got another surgery. Her reasoning for the second surgery was that she is really close to getting diabetes and she refuses to get diabetes, so she has to get her stomach stapled again. 
Good grief, try a healthy diet lard ass.

1 comment:

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