Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I doubt I would have the balls to kill myself.

Killing yourself is serious business. Some people feel it's the cowards way out. I don't, I think you have to have some brass balls to face the unknown. For instance, what happens to us when we die, and how bad is it gonna hurt? I recently watched The Bridge.

It's a film about people who commit suicide by jumping off of the Golden Gate bridge. The movie came out in 2006, so I am kind of late on watching it, but I've known about it since it came out if that means anything. 

Anyways, it was a very good film and really makes you think. You actually see a few people jump, which is a bit jarring. 

Initially, I thought jumping to your death  would probably be the scariest way to end it all. At least jumping from a building onto concrete, that seems crazy, but jumping into water (although from certain heights it has the same impact as concrete) doesn't seem that bad.

There is a song from the 90's that romanticizes "jumping", I really like it.

Another song that I really enjoy that talks about suicide is from Suicidal Tendencies.

Although, I like a few songs about suicide, I do not believe I will ever have the gumption to take matters into my own hands. Perhaps, if I thought life was no longer worth living, I would simply live reckless in hopes that I would eventually die. 
I am not sure if people still kill themselves by sticking their heads in the oven, but I fell, unless my oven is pristine, I would not be able to end it that way. I would have to make sure my oven is spotless, because to me, the most depressing thing would be to stare at my pathetically dirty oven on the way out of this world. 

I always assumed, that if I ever decided to kill myself, I would choose an overdose of pills; until recently. I actually took way too many pills about a year ago, and it sucked. My body felt so weird and it was pretty scary. It got me thinking that a pill overdose might not be all it's cracked up to be, it might actually take a long time. I would hate to slowly die, and by the time I realized that I do want to live, I would die ten minutes after that. 

Shooting myself in the head, is definitely not a route I would take. There is far too much room for error. I have heard many a story about people who fucked up, and lived even though half their head was blown off. Can you imagine hating your life with a complete face, then having to continue life deformed? No siree bob.
Hanging ones self doesn't seem to bad, yet it doesn't seem that good either. 

If I am gonna end it all, once I make my move, I do not want much pain and especially I do not want any time for reflection.

Better off Dead is a pretty funny movie about suicide. Every time he decides to kill himself, he changes his mind and ends up getting pushed, or fucking it up. 
Slitting wrists seems like a "go to" move when it comes to suicide. It seems romantic and all, but too pedestrian for my tastes.

But really, when you are at your wits end, you just use what's available right?

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